Hair today
Ginny is feeling her age. She is 44, nearly 45. 'I can't believe the problems I'm having with hair,' she moaned to her sister Victoria the other day. 'I spend my whole time tending various hairs on my body. I've had to shave my legs because the sun's come out - above the knee too. My moustache grows faster and faster every week. My underarms look like a Brillo pad. I'm spending a fortune on hair dye.'
I've learnt a lot about human hair since coming to live with The Philpotts.
Take Ginny. She spends inordinate amounts of time in the bathroom plucking her eyebrows, tweezing stray hairs from the mole on her cheek (I think it hurts a lot when she does that because her eyes water, she sneezes and then swears loudly), shaving her legs and her underarms.
I had a real fright when she emerged from the en-suite this morning. She'd gone in as Ginny with her usual slight five o'clock shadow and come out with a streak of thick cream across her upper lip. I thought she'd grown a new tash, which was a shame because the old one was quite fetching. It stank too - a sort of rotten eggs. Ginny set the kitchen timer for four minutes and then went back into the bathroom. When she came out again the white cream had gone and so had the thick black hairs, replaced by a violent red rash which she then dabbed with E45 Itch Relief.
Next she decided she just had enough time to dye her hair. This involved mixing two extremely smelly potions together, shaking up the bottle and then rubbing it all over her scalp. She then sat for half an hour reading the paper, drinking coffee, listening to Jeremy Vine on Radio 2 and occasionally rubbing her sore lip. Rich Auburn is the colour Ginny usually chooses for her hair. This month she's having a change thanks to Tesco who delivered the wrong colour with Internet Grocery Delivery. So this month it's Dark Copper Mahogany.
Ginny really shouldn't listen to Jeremy Vine while she's got hair dye on. Jeremy was interviewing a woman who'd chosen not to have children and written a book about it. 'Selfish Cow! Who's going to pay for your NHS when you're old and crumbly?' Ginny shouted at the radio. As her head shook a trickle of Dark Copper Mahogany crept down the side of her cheek. 'B****y Hell,' Ginny cried when she went back into the bathroom to rinse the dye away. 'I'll never get that off.'
I could hear her scrubbing away for ages. When she emerged her hair was now Dark Copper Mahogany - apart from a patch just at the back which she always misses because she can't see it. An interesting pale purple rivulet looked like a tattoo tracing its way down the side of her cheek. She tried to keep it covered with hair but kept forgetting and tucked her hair behind her ears as usual. Then it was quite obvious that Ginny had been at the dye again.
Later Clive came home and committed the worst sin a husband can make - he didn't notice Ginny's hair. Then Jake asked if someone had been drawing on Ginny's cheek. Then Ben asked where Ginny's moustache had gone. Nick kept quiet - sensible lad.
I've learnt a lot about human hair since coming to live with The Philpotts.
Take Ginny. She spends inordinate amounts of time in the bathroom plucking her eyebrows, tweezing stray hairs from the mole on her cheek (I think it hurts a lot when she does that because her eyes water, she sneezes and then swears loudly), shaving her legs and her underarms.
I had a real fright when she emerged from the en-suite this morning. She'd gone in as Ginny with her usual slight five o'clock shadow and come out with a streak of thick cream across her upper lip. I thought she'd grown a new tash, which was a shame because the old one was quite fetching. It stank too - a sort of rotten eggs. Ginny set the kitchen timer for four minutes and then went back into the bathroom. When she came out again the white cream had gone and so had the thick black hairs, replaced by a violent red rash which she then dabbed with E45 Itch Relief.
Next she decided she just had enough time to dye her hair. This involved mixing two extremely smelly potions together, shaking up the bottle and then rubbing it all over her scalp. She then sat for half an hour reading the paper, drinking coffee, listening to Jeremy Vine on Radio 2 and occasionally rubbing her sore lip. Rich Auburn is the colour Ginny usually chooses for her hair. This month she's having a change thanks to Tesco who delivered the wrong colour with Internet Grocery Delivery. So this month it's Dark Copper Mahogany.
Ginny really shouldn't listen to Jeremy Vine while she's got hair dye on. Jeremy was interviewing a woman who'd chosen not to have children and written a book about it. 'Selfish Cow! Who's going to pay for your NHS when you're old and crumbly?' Ginny shouted at the radio. As her head shook a trickle of Dark Copper Mahogany crept down the side of her cheek. 'B****y Hell,' Ginny cried when she went back into the bathroom to rinse the dye away. 'I'll never get that off.'
I could hear her scrubbing away for ages. When she emerged her hair was now Dark Copper Mahogany - apart from a patch just at the back which she always misses because she can't see it. An interesting pale purple rivulet looked like a tattoo tracing its way down the side of her cheek. She tried to keep it covered with hair but kept forgetting and tucked her hair behind her ears as usual. Then it was quite obvious that Ginny had been at the dye again.
Later Clive came home and committed the worst sin a husband can make - he didn't notice Ginny's hair. Then Jake asked if someone had been drawing on Ginny's cheek. Then Ben asked where Ginny's moustache had gone. Nick kept quiet - sensible lad.
posted by Arrow at 6:33 AM
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