I take a trip

Spring has sprung! England was at its best over the weekend, at least the little bit I can see from the garden of The Green House at Aston Peverell. Clive emerged at about mid-day on Saturday. He baulked at the plate of fried eggs Ginny placed before him: 'Best thing for a hangover you know Clive.' He spent the rest of the day slumped in front of the telly catching up on the racing! As if he hadn't seen enough last week.

Ginny, meanwhile, was like a whirlwind in the garden. She's digging out a new border. All winter she'd had pots of shrubs and trees waiting to be planted. She meant to get them in the ground before Christmas but life has just passed her by. She's filled the wheelbarrow with pony manure from her horsy friend, Skinny Della. She's digging it into the soil. It's really good fun. As she digs all these wriggly worms emerge. I sniff them and they wrinkle up. I had a taste and they're really not bad.

The garden was filled with flowers. I tried, and liked, the crocuses. They're a pale purple colour and quite sweet. Then I moved onto primroses. They're delicately scented and taste a bit like the drawer liners Ginny uses to line her pants drawer with. (I know that because I was helping her sort out her underwear drawer in the bedroom the other day. She's given up on me staying downstairs I make too much fuss when I'm left on my own - BATTLE WON! ) She took the drawer liners out to vacuum the drawer and when she turned around she found me sitting in the middle of a pile of shredded paper. 'Oh Arrow! For goodness sake can't you leave anything alone!'

Well no, I can't actually. I'd never seen a drawer liner before and it smelt really interesting. And if something smells interesting it's worth tasting, although in this case it wasn't. But it was fun to rip into tiny little pieces.

The thing I soon found with primroses was that after a while the taste begins to pall but, like the drawer liners, it's still fun to rip them off their stalks. The petals are very pretty when they flutter to the ground. After I'd finished with the primroses I moved onto the daffodils. NOT NICE AT ALL. Sort of bitter with a horrible aftertaste. Yuck I had to spit. But they do make a satisfying crunch when you pull them off the stalk. I crunched quite a few before I got bored.

Ginny was still busy with her digging so I thought I'd give her a bit of help. I found a nice quiet corner of the garden and the digging commenced. It was hard work but great fun. The worms were really pleased to see me they kept waving at me out of their holes before disappearing. After a good solid half hour I had a huge hole. It was warm so I lay down for a rest, the sun was hot on my face and I dozed off.

'ARROW!!'

I jumped up. Ginny was in the middle of the lawn surrounded by flower petals. Did I really do all that? She looked a bit upset. Clive looked out of the window: 'What's up Ginny, love?'

'That B****Y dog has shredded the garden! There isn't a single flower left in it! Arrrgh! Look at that hole. He's dug up my Japanese Maple.'

So that's what it was. It tasted nice after those daffodils.

'Jake,' Ginny shouted. 'Come and take this puppy inside, it's going to take me ages to sort out this mess.'

****

Jake was only to happy to look after me. Within minutes I was ensconced in the Liverpool FC bedroom. Jake showed me his Liverpool FC Top Trumps set and then his Play Mobil dustcart set. Then Jake told me his secret. Jake keeps a packet of Smarties in his room: 'For emergencies,' he whispered in my ear. 'Like if I get hungry in the night.'

We spent a happy few minutes sharing Jake's Smarties. Well when I say share. It was one for Jake and four for me, one for Jake and four for me. We'd soon polished off the lot and were settling down to a game of puppy Twister when I began to feel very strange indeed. The red bedroom was swirling around. Suddenly I felt as if I was hovering near the ceiling looking down on a little boy playing with a little puppy. 'That's me,' I thought.

I heard Jake's voice coming from a long, long way away. 'Arrow, you look a bit odd.'

'I feel a bit odd.' I was flying around the room. Sparks of light were flashing in my eyes. I tried to sit down but I couldn't. My head felt enormous - as big as the room.

'Your eyes are really big.' Jake was peering into my face. 'I think I'd better get Nick.'

Nick slouched into the room with Jake hanging on his arm. 'I only gave him a few Smarties and he's gone strange,' explained Jake.

'You've given him Smarties!' Nick looked shocked. 'You know Mum won't allow Smarties in the house.'

'But they're really nice and I like them,' Jake looked worried.

'She's going to kill you,' Nick looked strangely happy at this prospect.

Jake didn't. 'You're not going to tell her are you?'

'Oh no Jake, I'm not going to tell her . . . you are. You've poisoned the puppy. We've only had him for two weeks and he could die because of you.'

Jake started crying. Clive arrived to see what the fuss was about. Meanwhile I was back on the ceiling staring down at a little boy sobbing, a big boy looking smug and a middle-aged man looking very worried.

Ginny went APE. 'Do you know how much it costs to see a vet on a Saturday afternoon!' she shouted at her family when we returned home. Her family didn't look as if they knew, so she told them. 'ONE HUNDRED POUNDS!'

Luckily, as I'd only just eaten the Smarties the vet didn't think there'd be too much harm done. He gave me a purgative - and it worked. I threw up everywhere. It made me feel a lot better. He advised Ginny to keep me quiet and on no account to ever give me any form of chocolate again. 'I assure you Mr Jarvis, all chocolate will be kept under strict control from now on,' she sniffed.

At home Ginny raided the boys bedrooms with the ruthless efficiency of an SAS patrol. No mattress was left unturned, no toy unexamined. The haul: half a packet of custard creams, three half-eaten packets of cheese and onion crisps, a tube of Pringles and 18 Fruit Salad chews. Not bad in a household where food is banned from the bedrooms.

It was an exciting day but not a trip I'd like to take again!